Memorabilia, the Tick

A must see for all the mustache fans. Ever see the cartoon The Tick? This is a snippet of an episode where the Tick wakes up a mustache. Pretty funny.

And the winner is...

Competitors and esteemed fans, please excuse the month-long hiatus we took after the competition ended. The refereeing was so intense and exhausting that it literally took this long to recover. Seriously, it was a matter of the two of us getting together to take time and do the podcast show where we announce the winners, then the time to edit the thing. Maybe we bit off a little more than we could chew. Anyway, thanks for waiting patiently

First, we are really sad to have to announce that one of the competitors in this year's Mustache Growing contest has passed away in a kayaking accident. Isaac Ludwig who was our friend, passionate kayaker and all-around good guy passed on August 26th. We mourn his death but hope that everyone can remember him for the great sense of humor he had throughout the contest. We knew him personally and can attest that he was really a great dude. More can be read about Isaac at this LINK.


Now, please go visit this link to view and/or listen to the podcast where you'll find out who won the contest. CLICK RIGHT HERE.


The Mustache King organizers, Spencer Cooke & Joey Hall

So, um, it's over?

I looked at my watch today and realized it was August, but I still have a mustache... I mean, the contest is over, right? I should probably shave now, right? Or, should I????

HMMMMMMMMMM

HMMMMMMMMMMMM

Well, maybe I'll give it another day. It deserves another day to bask in the splendor of mustache royalty. Thanks to all for a fun two months. I'll think of you all each time I shave and I promise to have at least one mustache month a year to commerorate this auspicious event. Farewell friends.

Well got to say, I will not know what to do

Every since I started this I thought to myself: What I am doing shaving the goat tee I had been sporting for over a year, But I would have to say the stache has been the better addition. I have one last picture to post me in a kayak. well its not the best but this was taken Sun Aug 3rd on the James. well it is over and we got to say GOODBYE, the stache will be missed.

 AND A BIG GOODBYE to all my fellow Stache wearers.

Charles Signing out for the Stache contest.

 

The Sextache Diaries - Final Volume

What a crazy couple of months it has been! From the early tache buds way back in early June to the hefty powerbars I'm sporting now. I can't say it hasn't been easy - it has.

I guess I'm just one of those guys who's born with dazzling looks and amazing tache genes. I'll probably donate my body to science so mustache development can be studied in depth. Who knows, maybe someday every guy will be able to grow full and luscious face furniture.


On to the final set of challenges.

I realized that this is the kind of competition where you go big or you go home. With that in mind, I hit the road to find some whitewater in Asia and unleash the power of the tache. I graced the presence of my tache on the Maetang River. I pretty much destroyed it in my trusty rental Method Air. Ordinarily plastic paddles and a 1980s PFD look pretty weak, but with the tache in action, the gear takes on a whole new look - I like to call it Bad-Ass!

After the takeout, I was hungry for another challenge.
I figured I needed to go even bigger. I mean this is a Mustache Competition, not a grow-in!
Sure I could have found a plastic animal, a stuffed toy or asked a friend to dress up as an ass or something. Hell I could have probably hired someone to be my personal beast of burden for a while or maybe gone to an animal and ping-pong show in Bangkok.



But that would be the easy option. Instead I decided to track down the biggest land mammal on earth and compare body hair.
So that's what I did.

Say hello to Maggie

As you can see, the sextache has the same devastating effect on females of all species.







I see from reading the blog that most of my fellow competitors are banging on about the imminent demise of their lip hair attempts.

Here's a thought: Save The Tache!

Hell, if you do, some of you might just have ripe enough taches this time next year to be able to mount a serious challenge!

Personally, I think my sextache has earned the right to stay put for a little while longer.
I'm gonna keep it for a couple more weeks, maybe I'll try a few different styles, I might even extend the powerbars another couple of inches.

The possibilities are endless...

Parting (the perfect stache) is such sweet sorrow

The day has come... the day I must say goodbye to a dear friend, the day I must come to terms of letting go, the day I must part ways with Fran until next year when we will meet again to rock and shock the world of staches of the greatness we have become to be known as...American Steele & Fran "The Lip of Hair of Indispensable & Unfathomable Greatness".
Many took this challenge as just that, a challenge to grow hair on their upper lip, but not I, no I looked at this challenge of wit and advancements of puberty as a life quest to find who, what and why the mustache is what it is to our society and why those that poses it's true powers are the true champions in life. One of my favorite exerpts from Guy de Maupassant's "The Mustche," is...

There is no love without a mustache!
"There is no patriotism without agriculture," said M. Meline, and he was right, that minister; I now understand why.
From a very different point of view the mustache is essential. It gives character to the face. It makes a man look gentle, tender, violent, a monster, a rake, enterprising! The hairy man, who does not shave off his whiskers, never has a refined look, for his features are concealed; and the shape of the jaw and the chin betrays a great deal to those who understand.
The man with a mustache retains his own peculiar expression and his refinement at the same time.

With that I leave you a Photo Montage of the past few weeks spending with Fran and I & my final quote...

"A man without a mustache is like a cup of tea without sugar"~English Proverb

Signing off!

~American Steele & Fran "Already in the bag"

Isaac Ludwig - Finale

I'd have to say that this was a fun two months. Disassociation from physical appearance has always been something I've enjoyed to play with.

Since I last checked in we've realized the severity of the two year drought in the Smoky Mountains region with the cutback of whitewater releases on the Pigeon and without adequate consideration of lower releases.

In yet another great example of how politics and corporations can dictate the economic viability of a region by mismanaging whitewater releases, Walters Hydroelectric Plant has proven yet again that they care little for the wellbeing of others much further then beyond their personal gain. This this makes whitewater sports on the Pigeon even harder to predict when the power company already never gives notice to the public on release days.

The lead photo in this post with Mr. Silsbee is the final part of the fulfillment of the epic quest list (#10). The first post with Gov. Bredison, Rep. Yokley and Sen. Southerland about the Pigeon River bill and the opening of our new kayaking shop with Rep. Yokley and mayor McMann all in some fulfilled (#1, 5 & 6) but I thought I'd add another for good measure. Since it was the last day of the competition and Diamond Brand was having a premiere of 'Downunder the Horizon Line' (a badass new kayaking video) I decided against going to Best Buy or Circuit City and ate pizza and watched the new vid instead.

The beginning of this last phase of competition started with my best friend from High School Rachel, her husband Nick and a number of our other friends, from the Cincy area (where Rachel went to highschool), visiting for a couple of days. We did some rafting on Saturday (one of two days with water on the Pigeon!), chilled in the hot tub a bit and then I showed them midnight hole (Big Creek) rockin the orange shorts again and donning the persona on the straw hat.





















The rest of the week was spent rafting a bit more Tuesday on the Pigeon, Section 11 of the French Broad Mon & Wed and Upper Pigeon trips at 150 cfs Thursday... the the Hitler Stash for the Finale! I'm not racist at all... but since I probably won't mess with the stash for quite a long time I thought I'd go big with the handlebars and the Hitler Stash while I was doing it already.


See ya'll on the river!

Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams

I briefly contemplated popping open a bottle of bubbly and celebrating the completion of our mustache journey, but after a thorough evaluation, I decided a visit to the park was in order. Off we go, White-Tip and I went to the park.

I couldn't resist my boyish urges to swing and slide. Oh such fun.

After a taxing experience on the teeter-totter, I decide a respite was needed. Some crossword puzzles were in order. After surveying the area, I deduced I would have the peace and quiet White-Tip and I longed for. Such celebrity status has its perks, it also has its perils.

With my mind and body drained, I figured, what better to do than celebrate one last hurrah, with mint-chocolate-chip all over White-Tip. My fellow Baskin-Robbins patrons had much pleasure with White-Tip and I. We cut loose and ate and laughed freely. Farewell you all, for I shall miss you, and I know I'll miss White-Tip dearly.

Shalom!

Thus it Ends

Well today I learned how long it has been since I was last on my longboard.



Then I paddled out to try and fix the broken direction indicator on the lighthouse and turn it on.



But a couple of passengers snuck aboard and challenged me to a grudge match of battleship.

<

And then they threw me overboard. I think the bear was teaching my cousin how to cheat.



Thankfully I managed to float to shore on the other side of the pool and after a little sputtering, and drying I was able to sneak away to freedom. The bear will rue the day it tried to interfere in a contest of such epic proportions.



Thanks to everyone involved. I hope to make it to a river at some elevation other that 0 feet so I can meet the other people interested in such shenanigans.

The mustache Diaries - Final Post

Like sand through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives.... The two months of this fine competition have flown by and with the quality of competition I'm sure that we could put together a pilot episode of a new soap opera...

The days of our Mustaches???

Now I admit that I haven't been active enough in many of the fine challenges set forward by the Mustache King, although I have partaken in most of the activities put forward, I never seem to have a camera at the ready to freeze the moment into a frame of digital prosperity.

Alas I have enjoyed the overall task of wearing a mustache proudly and my mustache and I will share great memories, like being able to gain the respect of those around me on the river, basketball court, hockey field, workplace, main street, post office. Everywhere I have been the mustache has been a centre piece of conversation and it will be sad to see it go.

I have decided to finish off the competition with a simple comparison of my mustache 'then & now' so without any further rambling here is my two months of growth.


1 June 2008

31st July 2008

And that is me, to the competitors, organisers and sponsors thank you for being kayakers. And thank you for the amusement.

Cheers and happy paddling.

Antz

CUMEC Magazine

Anything is possible in the world of illusion

The metamorphosis is complete and I feel closer to my caveman self; hairy, sketch, and reeking of previous meals. Watermelon lingers sweetly on a moustache. Chili not so much.

I would like to take this last opportunity to recognize the hero that influenced me the most in this competition(other than Milt Aiken and the "inconceivable" Sicilian from the Princess Bride) the world renowned magician Doug Henning. You may remember him from the muppet show where his many hair afflictions allowed him to blend seamlessly with Jim Henson's creations. His catch phrase was, "anything is possible in the world of illusion." You've got to respect an epic butt cut with A-frame stache over bedazzled Sgt-Peppers jacket.

Bravo IR for sponsoring this battle royale! I thank you for the experience and the knowledge I have lost as well as the respite from my wife's heretofore constant amorous attention.

Quest completions

Alas, as the time rapidly approaches for White-Tip and I to part ways, I thought I would share some adventures that he and I had along the way. We got a new work ID together...

We ran into Spencer Cooke...

We went surfing...

We befriended the North Carolina Beard and Mustache Club (see myspace) and joined www.BeardTeamUSA.org ("for moustaches too")

*sniff sniff, one more day...

Mustache Comparisons

For this, my last bi-weekly mustache-motivated quest , I decided to compare my two odd months of mustache growth with those around me who have been cultivating mustaches of their own forever.

This is Tutti. That is short for some ridiculously long name that my girlfriend made up, but I prefer to think of it as it's Italian meaning - "everyone." She is possibly the largest house-cat known to man. She is, however, not Italian, but she does have an impressive mustache. At this point, I think mine might have grown out a bit more than even her's:

Ok, well, actually it looks more like I cut some of her fur off and glued it to my lip, but that's just not the case. Anyway, MOVING ON, there is Luisa. She’s one of two Dogo Argentinos that overwhelm my household on a daily basis. She is, at the same time, the sweetest and worst behaved dog I have ever known. Part of this is due to the fact that she has epilepsy and has been spoiled because of it. Anyway, it is hard to see her mustache because it is white-on-white. Kind of reminds you of a mafia hit-person, no? There's allot of Italians in Argentina... but I digress. There's a mustache there though, and it is pretty good, but not as good as mine, but I'm a guy, so mine should be better, right?

OK, then there is Borges, a male and Luisa’s father. When he hangs out in the back yard, he takes great pleasure in peeing on my kayak. On the other hand, he keeps people from trying to steal it too, so I guess having to hose off the boat is worth it. He’s a serious dog – 125 lbs of pure muscle and boar/bobcat-hunting mite. This is him when he was younger.

Here he is now - he turned eight this year so he’s getting old - nice ‘stache though, huh? I think mine rivals even the old boy’s , don’t you?

King Me!

Today is a sad day for me. It marks my final post in this year's Mustache King competition. I wish the contest would run year round so I could go on more adventures with my 'stache. But alas, all good things must come to an end and that end has come.

Questing Part 4: The challenge - 1. Kayaking 2. With an Animal 3. Playing a Board Game. So I figured, why not combine all three? It took me a few days to work out the logistics and I think these photos capture the essence of the quest. It was quite a challenge to find a life sized rabbit that was willing to get in a kayak AND play a game of checkers at the same time. (A special thank you to Danny Doran, the fuzzy bunny). I won't say who won the game but it was easily the most intense game of checkers that I've ever played. The hair above my lip isn't the only thing that has grown during this contest. I have a new outlook on life and feel the need to spread the joy of the mustache to everyone I meet. I think I'll be keeping the 'stache indefinitely, it's done wonders for my social life.

Until next year,
MBG

What goes with the perfect stache

But what you may ask? Well the story starts with the final and last quest for the those who are not lip hair deprived.  Thru my dealings at work I meet many people and creatures some of which maybe interchangeable. First lets start with the choices I had to go with like a pile of coyotes also note the many other choices. But I had only really one choice when looking thru a 4000 sq ft tent of animals a plethora of Noah's ark. But the age old question what goes with the best stache out there.

But I chose well you see:

  Well, see you all on the James or in the Surf.

Charles

Fiberglass Petting Zoo

I recently had the pleasure of visiting a fiberglass petting zoo. If you ever take 74East towards Wilmington, North Carolina, you should stop by and say hello to Betty. She's the zookeeper of the wonderful facility that houses such exotic animals as flamingos, horses, bears and a pegasus. 

Mr. Ed was kind enough to allow me this heroic pose with him.

This little guy was not as kind. I tried to put my arm around his neck and smile for the camera, but he decided he had better things to do with White-tip looming that close to his mouth. I don't think he's a fan of the 'stache. I'm extremely thankful there was a camera nearby to document my escape. Thanks to my mythical strength I have acquired since growing the 'stache, White-tip and I were able to escape unscathed. 

And lastly, this is Charlie the flying pegasus. I tried to catch up to him and get my photo taken, but every time I got near him, he flew away. This was about as close as I got. 

Onward mustache, onward.

Your final quest

Athletes, Moo-stache Ambassadors, Ladies, Gents, Fans,

Weeks 7-8: The final quest has been exhaled by the Great King of Mustaches. Show us your mustache while...

A. Kayaking
B. With some sort of animal
C. Playing a board game

Don't forget your epic quests...

Epic Quest list: (you may complete THREE of these over the course of the ENTIRE contest)
1. You (and 'stache) posing with someone famous
2. You underwater
3. You and your 'stache on your driver's lisence, student ID, or other identification card.
4. Indiana http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifJones and the Temple of 'Stache
5. Appear on TV either locally or nationally
6. Speaking in front of a large group of people
7. Doing a trick on a Skateboard or BMX
8. Wearing a HeeHaw Jones t-shirt
9. At Best Buy or Circuit City with one of the employees
10. Posing with one of the cast members of Night of the Living Donkey

The winner of the 2008 IR Mustache King, aka, 2nd Bi-Annual Curt Davis Invitational Mustache Growing Contest of Paddlesports, will be announced in early-mid August via the Rapid Transit Video Podcast. Go to your iTunes music store and search for Rapid Transit to subscribe for free. Or visit the web site and click the Podcast link at RapidTransitVideo.com


Signing off,

The Mustache King

I-Stash

I guess we're in the home stretch now. I'm a bit tardy with this one... but that doesn't mean I'm giving up... ya'll think you can match what the I-Stash has in store... ha. Yeah... that's one of the nicknames I've attained in these last few weeks from one of my coworkers named Melissa. Although most just refer to me as Stash. This is me with my friend Shelly who works at Doc Cheys from about half an hour ago. I'm at the end of yet another wonderful weekend of shit running and chillin in the greater Asheville area and I realized last night that I needed to check in before I finish blowing the rest of the competition out of the water with my finale posts!

Exploitation, Cattle, and Wilford Brimley

Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentleman. My recent adventures have been plenty. I still find myself sharing a special connection with mirrored lens sunglasses and Pontiac Firebirds. More recent times White-Tip and I have culled from my inner Wilford Brimley. I find myself annoyed by the more mundane and youthful things of life. Mustaches don't have time for those things. I don't even have time to shave. My mustache keeps the rest of my facial hair at bay.  The other hair follicles have developed inferiority complexes and prefer to not compete with the prominence of White-Tip. Kind of like everyone else vs. Chuck Norris. Beneath my mustache isn't an upper lip. It's another mustache.

In a special quest note, July 11th was national cow appreciation day. I figured, what better to do than visit my local Chick-fil-A and spend that time in a cow suit. 

Me and my server bonding over tasty fruit cup and waffle fries. Notice I hold my wallet in my hand, cow suits don't have pockets. 

And of course, with the renowned Chick-Fil-A cow. Some people want their picture with a celebrity, aside from Brangelina, who's more celebraded than Hilda heifer? 

"Eat Mor Chikin"

The Sextache Diaries Vol 4

Wow, this competition is certainly hotting up! Speaking of Hot, it's fricking hot here in Vietnam: over 40C (that's 104F to all you Imperial Drones, seriously guys, go metric). That's right folks, since the competition started it's been 3 countries and 1 great 'tache. Even though I'll be taking 1st prize when the competition ends at the end of the month, I plan on keeping the sextache for a couple weeks more to allow me to spread the hairy word to Cambodia - that's just the kind of guy I am.

I've noticed that a few competitors have stepped their games up a notch for this round of the challenge. Too little too late in my opinion but I'm also willing to go that extra mile. I have therefore decided to complete all 3 of the possible quests.

Here goes:

A. At a restaurant with your waiter/waitress

Oh come on! Seriously you guys!

Shortly after taking this photograph, the waiter handed in his resignation to persue the dream of growing a moustache of his own. He subsequently opened the first Laos Mustache Accademy last weekend

B. You at the grocery store holding an embarrassing product

A little trickier for me. Anyone who has been to Asia will know that there are a distinct lack of grocery stores in the area. With dogged perserverance, I managed to track one down. Unfortunately for me, the Female Hygene section is something of a no-go area for men. I had to be quick...and stealthy.

Being a 6 foot tall guy with a bad-ass sextache and sunburn in a continent of short people doesn't exactly lend itself to stealthyness...It was all good in the end, I even got a helpful sales assistant to take the photo. No matter how much she wanted to, I wouldn't let her touch the 'tache.

Nobody touches the tache...

C. Your favorite scene from Star Wars...Mustache edition

Intriguing...Being a fourth level Jedi, I am knowledgable in Star Wars. Being a fourth level Jedi, I am also quite the mind reader if I do say so myself.

Bearing this in mind, I chose not only my favourite scene in Star Wars, but every red-blooded males favourite scene!

That's right, the Gold Bikini scene...behold!

The gauntlet has been thrown down. The stage is set, one post left, winner takes all!

Really, it's...the smell...

Ya know, I really didn't know that overdoing it in terms of the number of hours I was sitting in a kayak could have adverse physical affects on me. On Saturday, I found out the hard way. On Saturday evening, I went to the Supermarket in search of relief.

Now mind you, I wasn't completely sure what was wrong with me, only that I was experiencing some odd and sometimes painful events surrounding pooping. So I spent some time perusing the array of available remedies to figure out what might work for me.

After some shelf searching (and some more soul searching), I found what I apparantly needed. Then I got in line, and bought what, much to my chagrin, I apparantly needed.

Now, if I can only buy back my self respect. Oh, and, thanks allot - home from college for the summer cashier dude - for drawing everyones' attention to my purchase. Yeah, thanks, friend. I bet you can't even grow a stache like this one. Don't worry, a couple a days of this and I'll be riding the porcelain chariot like a champ again, mustache style. HUAH!

Sometimes...

...it's better to find out sooner rather than later.

I've already got enough kids to drag around anyways.

No need to add any more.

What's more embarrasing go to or picking out

But the stache got me thru it all.  With all my travelling about the stache has got me many of looks many are from those that are in envy and so should you all. This was taken at Wal Mart I was just embarrassed to going that place but I did go when it was most interesting 2am. well You can try to catch a glimce of the stache on my many weekly runs onn the James in Richmond Va.

Cheech Marin ain't got nothin on me

I posted this picture on Facebook for my high school reunion and the response has been puzzling. People say I look great which makes me think, do I look better now? Maybe my entire self image was completely wrong. Looks like I've found my true self. By the way, I bought this baby straight cash.

Mustache Diaries - Week 4

A busy fortnight culminated in my 23rd birthday, so I rounded up my family and we headed to 'Sombreros Mexican Cantina'. After consuming various burritos, tacos, fajitas and drinking bastante cerveza I managed to convince one of the waiteress's to pose with me for a photo. The manager even provided me with a fabulous Mariachi hat to top off the photo. Viva los mexicanos! Viva la dirty sanchez.


The restuarant had a great selection of hot sauces; here I'm holding a bottle of 'See dick burn' and 'Alien Anal probe'


Myself and the waiteress, unfortunately the guitar had no strings so I couldn't serenade the waiteress with my great selection of canciones....

One post to go...

Antz

I Ain't Hatin', I Just Heard Better

Ahh, another week of questing with my dirty little 'stache. I'm becoming rather attached to my furry friend and I've even inspired a few people to grow a 'stache of their own. This two week period started off with some paddling down in WV, which I expected to be a brief hiatus from the questing world. However, I ran into someone famous and was able to pose for a picture! (count it, Epic Quest #2 for me) Ever heard of the Glen Millers shuttle? After running the Cheat Canyon at a nice 3.2' I had Glen waiting at the take-out with his ancient Chevy pick-up to drive me back to the rig at the put-in. What a guy. Anyone who's paddled the Cheat knows Glen Millers and his reputation for having the most hardcore shuttle around. I think the class-V drive added a few hairs to my 'stache. That man does not slow down for anything.


After returning from WV, I decided to take a trip to the local grocery store, Wegmans, to pose with an "embarrassing product". I headed over to the women's personal care section and found the shelves stacked with pads and panty liners... perfect! I had a bit of a dilemma trying to choose between Tampax Pearl and Always Maxi so I called over a helpful employee, Kara, to explain the differences to me. It's amazing what you can learn if you just ask. That's all for now, one more to go before you can crown me the King.
-MBG

Four Score and Seven...

I took a little jaunt to visit the Lincoln Memorial today and I very carefully dressed for the occassion. I wanted to make sure that the scores of midwestern teenagers who had also made their pilgrimage to pay homage to this pillar of American history also knew about a more modern day American icon. You guessed it, Heehaw Jones.

As I put on my HeeHaw-J T-shirt (an unexpected present from my lovely, yet heretofore unimpressed with my Mustacheking quest, girlfriend) - I considered that, in truth, Lincoln and Jones have allot in common. Where Lincoln was ultimately able to free Americans from the abomination of slavery, Jones has been able to free Americans from the notion that you have to be good at something (or even actually do something) to turn pro at it. That's right, friends. You need no longer be a slave to your own mediocrity. You too can embrace the unpaid professional liberation! In fact, I propose that, once Jones has gone to meet his maker, we erect a memorial in his personage - something that will serve as a reminder to those men and women who missed the goal, were late to the finish, broke early on the wave, and flubbed the hole-shot that, it doesn't matter - when you're a pro.

So as I continue living through my mustache days and pornstache nights, I'll be comforted by the fact that there are men like Jones inspiring the youth of the world to greater heights, even if they fall from those heights and die in the process. Rock on HeeHaw Jones. Farewell my tiny dancer! Someday, your plastic likeness will adorn the dashboards of thousands of aging and poorly maintained American cars. I just hope I'm alive to see it.

P.S. If I win allot of money someday, I'm buying millions of these signs and posting them on river banks across the country, courtesy of the HeeHaw Jones memorial foundation, of course.

One Questache closer to the title...

Fran & I have been very busy, now in our busy season, the 'stache has been getting lots of attention. The girlfriend encourages it, surprisingly, friends and family adore it. Fran's self esteem has sky-rocketed. We have been offered some crazy proposals in bars though, from the ladies of course. I have noticed that in other meager 'stache posts it has been mentioned how the lip on their hair scares children, ladies and others alike. Fran gets an opposite reaction, people have asked for appearances of Fran at parties, pictures with Fran & American Steele, store openings, the list goes on. Now don't get us wrong, Fran & I aren't trying to toot our own horns, but...

toot, toot.

We look forward to the next few weeks as the race comes to an end, and we wish all other competitors the best of luck, you are going to need it for what is about to come.

American Steele & Fran with our picture with Garret and his stache "White Tip" from "The Night of the Living Donkey" (one Quest down!)

Signing off,

American Steele & Fran "The 'Stache of Destiny"

ruminations

As I wear the 'stache and begin to embrace it's value... I'm learning many things about myself and people's perception of me. The 'stache gives me instant credibility among trailer parks, sketchy parts of town, fellow mustachers, the greatest generation, and with the right apparel-the punk or alternative crowd. Mustaches are surprisingly nonconformist in the urban/alternative culture. As I moved across town this past weekend, me and White-Tip traveled and were introduced to many new and exciting people. Some with mustaches (whom I bonded with instantly), some with a pension, some without an income and all connected to me and White-Tip immediately, I like to think it's my charismatic personality, but we all know, it's the 'stache.

Thank you 'oh upper-lip-hair follicles. From Gerald McRaney, to Wilford Brimley, my mustache development continues. Onward...

Weeks 5-6 are upon us. Mustache competitors, brace yourselves...

During these past two weeks the ultimate courage and steadfastness that it takes to be a real athlete, a competitor, has been shown by all of our remaining lip farmers. With the same vigor and competitive edge, we here at the IR Mustache King headquarters want to see you people embrace these next four weeks like they are the last you will ever live, and show the world that kayakers with mustaches mean business!

We give you your new quests:
Weeks 5-6:
A. At a restaurant with your waiter/waitress
B. You at the grocery store holding an embarrassing product
C. Your favorite scene from Star Wars...Mustache edition

Don't forget your epic quests...
Epic Quest list: (you may complete THREE of these over the course of the ENTIRE contest)
1. You (and 'stache) posing with someone famous
2. You underwater
3. You and your 'stache on your driver's lisence, student ID, or other identification card.
4. Indiana Jones and the Temple of 'Stache
5. Appear on TV either locally or nationally
6. Speaking in front of a large group of people
7. Doing a trick on a Skateboard or BMX
8. Wearing a HeeHaw Jones t-shirt
9. At Best Buy or Circuit City with one of the employees
10. Posing with one of the cast members of Night of the Living Donkey